* lazy? or lost?

Lazy? Or lost? Several have posted about how to respond to those who call us bp-ers lazy. While I won’t deny my own talents in that area I think a bigger issue for me is feeling a bit lost. As in I don’t really know what to think and do with this at times very uncooperative brain of mine that can get lost in at least the shallower pits of depression so readily. Or then at times it takes off into the unrealistic, a bit too unleashed if you will, with the possibility for quite costly interpretations of and responses to the present. To the point that there are days when I wake up and ask myself, “OK, who am I today?” Because with bp2, by the very definition of my disease, it’s such a range from down to deeply depressed to up to highly hypomanic. Hopefully I’m living in a more normal “middle” somewhere but even that’s due to enough meds that it’s hard for me to know where I end and the meds begin? They’re clearly helping me with my bp but what other impacts do they have on me? Or maybe better what was just plain old me and what’s me plus my meds (unfortunately, “plain” old me isn’t very plain anymore)? So if I seem a bit hesitant with aspects of this life of mine, give me some space, please, as it’s confusing.